Dust in the wind?

Not too long ago, I got into an interesting conversation about science, consciousness, and spirituality. While, I consider myself an atheist because I do not believe in the existence of a god or a higher power, the other person maintained that no one is an atheist unless they are truly a-spiritual, that is, do not believe in any transcendence for the human experience. I interpreted this as more of a question of semantics, but our conversation got me thinking about what I really believe in regarding our place in this world and the meaning of our lives. So, dear imaginary (nonexistent) reader, brace yourself because we will attempt to swim out to the deep end of the pool and explore the outer limits of science, religion, and my humble opinion about the meaning of existence (you may want to grab a floatie).

I have considered myself an atheist since the age of fifteen or sixteen... I'm not really sure how the realization came upon me. I had been raised catholic, though admittedly not very strongly. My father went to church maybe twice or three times a month and considered himself religious but my mother didn't want to have anything to do with the church--she has always been a bit of an activist for the separation of church and state. I had gone through catechism and first communion and remember being inspired at a young age by the stories of Jesus and his kindness and love for his fellow humans. I did not however enjoy mass. Perhaps it was that the priests of my church were not themselves particularly inspiring. They were strict and dogmatic and I did not feel from them the love and kindness that had initially attracted me to religion. Starting in my teens, I began to have increasing doubts and a creeping suspicion that our lives were made of flesh and bone and that everything stopped after we died. I don't know how these thoughts came about. At that age I enjoyed science but I still had not found in it a vocation. I just had a gut feeling, and to be honest it wasn't a very good feeling at all. At night, I would have to push away thoughts about death because the anxiety it produced would not let me fall asleep. Even today I still have to make a conscious effort to withdraw my mind when these considerations start creeping in. I am afraid of death and I have no qualm in admitting it.

So my disbelief in God at a young age came from a "gut feeling", not from a positivist belief that the scientific method is the sole determination of what is real and what is not real. I am OK with this, and on some level I believe that this is the way it should be--personal religious opinions, whatever they may be, separate from science.

Religion and spirituality are not supposed to be held to account with the laws of physics. Because of mysticism, they have an inherent get-out-of-jail free card. For example, Christianity has what are termed "mysteries", i.e. supernatural truths that are unattainable to humans through reason. This is an intrinsic part of faith and it makes it futile to try to apply logic or empiricism to religion (there is no arguing with something that does not accept rational argument).

Also, and at the risk of getting flack from hard-core science champions, it may well be that science will only take us so far in our understanding of the world, our brains creating some sort of biological limit for what may be probed and understood. Although so far there has been no indication that this might be the case, there is the possibility that there might be a reality beyond what we are physically able to discern.

And in terms of the regrettable debate between faith and science, it is definitely best to keep the two separate. Everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe (especially the pastafarians). And even the most devout scientist may still believe in a higher power. My point is that our choice of religious or spiritual belief is valid and is outside of the realm of science even if it is within what some would consider an absolute physical reality...

An absolute physical reality, yet spiritual beliefs? Getting confused? Well so am I, but here's where the thicket of the jungle starts. How can one believe in spirituality if one believes that it is all in one's head so to speak? In other words, what happens when you believe that the experience of existence is nothing more than the product of that wonderful biological fortuity, the brain? What does this mean for spirituality?

I am still mulling these things over and it may take me a while to come up with a rational thesis (at this point you could say that I have a "gut feeling"), so I'll leave these questions open for now....